I am in a self-checkout line trying to pay for lunch in my high school cafeteria. Scanning the items to purchase, I insert bills into the automated machine. For every dollar put in it, the machine spits out two brand new $20 bills. Giddy after doing this three times, I quickly take my items to the lunch table before getting caught.

At the table, friends from various stages of my life are sitting around talking. 'There's karaoke today,' says an old co-worker, 'and I hear they are going to have some of your songs at the sign-up table.'

We make our way to an enormous auditorium. The band consists of three very young guys, all amazing on their instruments. The drummer is tucked behind a giant curtain because he's so loud. My friend Alissa beckons that she's found seats near the front, and we put our book bags down and head to a small table near the stage with a song list. One of my songs, 'Kissy Kissy NYC', is on a piece of paper but is misspelled 'Cise Cise FYI'. Alissa pats me sympathetically and says 'Hey, at least you've made it to having a song at karaoke!' She goes through the list and signs her name next to an AC/DC song as I frantically look for Van Halen.

Suddenly the band begins and out pops an aged David Lee Roth. His face looks plastic, but his hair is old school. The band starts to play 'Running With The Devil' and Dave begins to sing words that don't make any sense. After the first chorus, the band quits playing and Dave screams a howl into the mic. 'Welcome to the show, folks,' he says, 'and ain't my drummer the loudest you've ever heard? Be sure to sign up, we'll be right back!'

I follow him backstage, telling him that 'Running With the Devil' was 'even better than the recorded version'. He scowls and mumbles something before running off. I duck back out to the auditorium and see Alissa doing loud vocal warm-ups with the band. Out a window I see an old high school friend, Lisa Hinton, pulling up with a van full of people for the show. She's wearing a pair of sunglasses and a fake mustache and begins slyly motioning to me to 'get out of there'. I realize she's with undercover police who have been tipped off about the twenty dollar bills in change from the cafeteria, so I run to the karaoke list, scratch off my name, and take off.